Helly Elly is a part witch, part demon (who knows, really?) who is the host, founder, and sometimes reluctant undead spokes-witch for Muahaha. She is the mom of three undead (probably) children and is married to Count Sebastian.
Helly Elly describes herself as a millennial, though no one’s quite sure which millennium she means—she could easily be thousands of years old (citation needed).
Resides in the scariest place on earth
Helly Elly lives in the most terrifying zip code in America: Fresno, California. A place that gives Transylvania a run for its money in terror-per-square-foot. Her house is unquestionably haunted and rumored to have more rooms than the Winchester Mystery House—though who’s counting?
The home is allegedly under constant renovation. Sources claim that the zombies working in the basement have opened a portal to hell on at least three separate occasions (unconfirmed). Whether this was part of Helly Elly’s master plan or “just some sh*t that happened on a Tuesday” remains unclear.
"Regular" Mom
Despite being technically immortal and magically volatile, Helly Elly insists she’s just a “regular mom.”
She’s raising her brood (one werewolf, one demon, one TBD) with help from her husband—when he’s not locked in the crypt writing vampire poetry.
She enjoys hexing the local PTA, along with trips to her happy place, Target. On broomstick of course.
Despite her supernatural lifestyle, she insists she’s very normal.
Most of her friends are just… undead.
Notable achievements
• Once out-baked a demon from the seventh circle in a televised deathmatch called The Great British Bleed-Off
• Card-carrying member of the Witch Symposium (a global “book club” headquartered in the catacombs beneath Geneva that controls the world)
• Successfully parallel parked in downtown Fresno using black magic—a feat that made local news and briefly lit the street on fire.
Overheard to say
“Sacrifice in the front yard at 8. School drop-off at 8:15.”
“Halloween isn’t a season. It’s a full-time lifestyle with dental benefits.”
“That’s not by husband. That’s my familiar.”
“Witches before bitches.”
Read more
Helly Elly occasionally updates her blog (when the Wi-Fi isn’t acting possessed), and you can keep up with Helly Elly here!
